kepada: Hodoh

Hidup ini tidak adil. tapi Hodoh, ape-apepun;

I will always be there for you. when the world is to cruel to you, ingatlah bahawa its okay to be alone. i believe that you can go through anything. at the end of the day after you confront your fears, you will become 'Fearless'. just like the true meaning of your name.

Perfection

i want to be like the ocean. strong and fearless. fill with life yet mysterious. alone but perfect in its beauty.

i want to be like the sunset. breathtaking. mesmerizing and glorious. can only be adored by the eyes but could never be touched.

Nobody Cares

Its been ages since i last blogged. there's reasons to it. i lost my blogger password and i literally lost of words. there was this phase where i cant convert my feelings and my state of mind into words. my life had changed a lot in few months. im usually alone nowadays. u can find me mostly at home. i can even count the number of friends (not cyber friends FB etc) that i have with my fingers. its not like i pushed people away from me but its the other way round. i always found myself at the bottom of everyone's priorities. HEY! what i can i expect? im a nobody and unlike everyone else, i am far from perfect. haha. :)

sometimes i wonder why i keep contact with those who dont appreciate me. i always try to keep hanging on a thin thread. i just want to be treated equally. i want to be treated the way i treat those who i care. but they always disappoint me. what made me sad recently was an incident when my friend firmly rejected when asked to take photo with me via my mobile phone. i asked few times. but the answer came out the same. a firm NO. which was totally weird as the person casually take photographs with others.

it made me wonder. am i that fugly? am i that disgusting? or am i an embarassment? i think to that person, it is shameful if anyone see a photograph of us together. maybe the person is ashamed to be friends with me. the incident made me feel ashamed of myself. maybe i should just isolate myself because this is not the first time that people dislike to be related with me. the world is telling me loud and clear that i dont belong anywhere.  whatever it is i have to be content with loneliness, its not like i have any choice.

i feel sharp pains in my chest. as if needles jabbing through the muscles of my heart. my heart aches. i feel so worthless. how i wish if i could just whisk into the heavens above. or even disappear into nothingness. but hey who cares right?

Keep Forgetting

"cause i remember every word that you said 

it all just keeps spinning around in my head
but it don't matter what i try to do
i keep on forgetting to forget about you"

-Jojo

i am a weakling. although i had forgiven you
those words will forever remain in my mind.

why do you came back? why did you
reappear for awhile and disappear in a second?

you win. i lose. you are enjoying my misery
while celebrating in your glorious victory.

To: Bitches & Bastards

Part 1: 

the first time i can forgive. the second time i could forget. but the third time is unacceptable. becareful hun, youre currently in my radar. watch your steps. because if you fall, im gonna make sure that you will fall HARD. :) 

Part 2:

i tried to to be nice and friendly this past few months. i thought my life will change for the better if i do so. but people are taking advantage of my niceness. the OLD me is back but this time it will be meaner, better and more manipulative than you can ever imagine. backstabbing is so last mellinium. i'll promise you that i will stab you right through the heart. :)

Will you?

If im no longer here and could never be found, will you cry for my lost? will you miss my presence? will you keep the memories that you share with me safely in your memory box? as if those memories are precious? will you regret for not spending more time with me? will you regret for treating me badly? will you regret for making me feel like im nothing and worthless? will you feel bad for your actions? will you feel bad for using me to get what you want and only come to me when you want something? will you feel like a jerk by making me wait and not replying my messages?

I guess not, because i know how you really feels about me. I know that from your eyes, im just an ugly, dark, short, fat, disgusting, annoying, and clingy person that you can take advantage of. Now that you got what you want, i'm nothing.

Quoted

These are some of the my favorite quotes via facebook that I created:

My mind is a labyrinth of imagination -January 12th
 

Physically we're a couple. the reality is different -January 23rd

I will toxicate your mind with imagination -January 27th

The eyes see truths in illusions -January 29th 

Your halo blinds me from seeing the real you -January 30th