kepada: Hodoh

Hidup ini tidak adil. tapi Hodoh, ape-apepun;

I will always be there for you. when the world is to cruel to you, ingatlah bahawa its okay to be alone. i believe that you can go through anything. at the end of the day after you confront your fears, you will become 'Fearless'. just like the true meaning of your name.

Perfection

i want to be like the ocean. strong and fearless. fill with life yet mysterious. alone but perfect in its beauty.

i want to be like the sunset. breathtaking. mesmerizing and glorious. can only be adored by the eyes but could never be touched.

Nobody Cares

Its been ages since i last blogged. there's reasons to it. i lost my blogger password and i literally lost of words. there was this phase where i cant convert my feelings and my state of mind into words. my life had changed a lot in few months. im usually alone nowadays. u can find me mostly at home. i can even count the number of friends (not cyber friends FB etc) that i have with my fingers. its not like i pushed people away from me but its the other way round. i always found myself at the bottom of everyone's priorities. HEY! what i can i expect? im a nobody and unlike everyone else, i am far from perfect. haha. :)

sometimes i wonder why i keep contact with those who dont appreciate me. i always try to keep hanging on a thin thread. i just want to be treated equally. i want to be treated the way i treat those who i care. but they always disappoint me. what made me sad recently was an incident when my friend firmly rejected when asked to take photo with me via my mobile phone. i asked few times. but the answer came out the same. a firm NO. which was totally weird as the person casually take photographs with others.

it made me wonder. am i that fugly? am i that disgusting? or am i an embarassment? i think to that person, it is shameful if anyone see a photograph of us together. maybe the person is ashamed to be friends with me. the incident made me feel ashamed of myself. maybe i should just isolate myself because this is not the first time that people dislike to be related with me. the world is telling me loud and clear that i dont belong anywhere.  whatever it is i have to be content with loneliness, its not like i have any choice.

i feel sharp pains in my chest. as if needles jabbing through the muscles of my heart. my heart aches. i feel so worthless. how i wish if i could just whisk into the heavens above. or even disappear into nothingness. but hey who cares right?

Keep Forgetting

"cause i remember every word that you said 

it all just keeps spinning around in my head
but it don't matter what i try to do
i keep on forgetting to forget about you"

-Jojo

i am a weakling. although i had forgiven you
those words will forever remain in my mind.

why do you came back? why did you
reappear for awhile and disappear in a second?

you win. i lose. you are enjoying my misery
while celebrating in your glorious victory.

To: Bitches & Bastards

Part 1: 

the first time i can forgive. the second time i could forget. but the third time is unacceptable. becareful hun, youre currently in my radar. watch your steps. because if you fall, im gonna make sure that you will fall HARD. :) 

Part 2:

i tried to to be nice and friendly this past few months. i thought my life will change for the better if i do so. but people are taking advantage of my niceness. the OLD me is back but this time it will be meaner, better and more manipulative than you can ever imagine. backstabbing is so last mellinium. i'll promise you that i will stab you right through the heart. :)

Will you?

If im no longer here and could never be found, will you cry for my lost? will you miss my presence? will you keep the memories that you share with me safely in your memory box? as if those memories are precious? will you regret for not spending more time with me? will you regret for treating me badly? will you regret for making me feel like im nothing and worthless? will you feel bad for your actions? will you feel bad for using me to get what you want and only come to me when you want something? will you feel like a jerk by making me wait and not replying my messages?

I guess not, because i know how you really feels about me. I know that from your eyes, im just an ugly, dark, short, fat, disgusting, annoying, and clingy person that you can take advantage of. Now that you got what you want, i'm nothing.

Quoted

These are some of the my favorite quotes via facebook that I created:

My mind is a labyrinth of imagination -January 12th
 

Physically we're a couple. the reality is different -January 23rd

I will toxicate your mind with imagination -January 27th

The eyes see truths in illusions -January 29th 

Your halo blinds me from seeing the real you -January 30th

Judge

I may know a lot of people and many would probably know me. But the truth is, i have only have a handful of close friends. It's because i cherish those who really care and love me. If i be friend someone, i would like to be friend with them for the rest of my lifetime. But if the person show signs of not doing the same for me, i would probably label them as allies.

Us humans love to judge others. We human also judge those who we didn't even know. It's human nature. I'm also guilty. I admit that. But im not the type of person who will label another before knowing them. I will not accuse another person of being a bitch or whatsoever before knowing them. It's because, if you want to judge another person, you have to see their true colours. You have to see the real person inside the shell.

Most of the people that i know love to judge me harshly and label me negatively before even knowing the real me. i use to care and become sad when facing those situations but no more. Unlike them, i have dignity and i admit all of my flaws and weaknesses. Those who judge people harshly and thinks that they are superior than others are the ones who could not admit their flaws and would never accept the fact that they are not as perfect as they want themselves to be.

You have to evaluate yourselves before you could evaluate others. Look into the mirror. See the true you before you could see the truths in others.

Truth

the truth is difficult to understand

Perspective

It's a never ending story.

People come and go in my life.

They never stay.

Im jinx.

Some enjoy my company,

but too ashamed to admit

that they're friends with me.

Because they are so cool

They are the best

and all their friends hate me

Then they said

"it's all your fault

you should not posted them"

the person does not want

people to know that he or she

is hanging out with me

I'm an embarassment.

therefore, the person feels

the rights to be mad at me

you should tell me earlier

not to post 'them' on the net

'they' are harmless to me

therefore, i decided

to not associate myself

at all with that person.

self centered

self-absorb

fill with pride.

to them perfects

i have no dignity

no pride

i'm a worthless tool

to make you popular

and known.

just another shitwreck

to take advantage off.

but no more

i am aiman asraf

i used to entertain people's craps

i will no longer falls into your traps.

kapeeesh!

Precious

A Rainbow at Sunset & a natural Palette, originally uploaded by Monday Morning Photography.

 The sun shines but the emptiness remains

I will stand by the side and watch your happiness radiates like sunshine. Hoping that your halo could mend my swollen heart. I will be the person who's always in the background of your life just to make an appearance throughout your lifetime. I will forever be your friend but never could be 'The One'. I will always be there for you through thick and thin although I know you will never do the same. I used to cry when I forced myself to accept the fact that you do not feel the same way as I do. Shed my tears when I know that I could not have you. But now it's different. I cry because the feeling that I had for you is slowly disappearing. Draining out from my heart and soul like water. Drop by drop. Those feelings will slowly disappear to nothingness. Now there's a large empty space in my heart. Your images, the warmness of your smile, the sound of your voice, the electric feeling that I feel every time our skin collides and the sincerity of your eyes will I cherish. I hope those moments will remain as memories locked in my mind box because that's how precious you are to me.

Age Of Innocence

I used to be a child,

Who's mind was beautiful and pure,

I used to be a child,

Who was quite and demure.

I am no longer a child,

 Who's world was fill with innocence,

I am no longer a child,

Who would not take vengeance.

For I'm not a child,

Who you can trick, lie and fool,

For I'm not a child,

Because with you I can be cruel.

-AimanAsraf©

January 15th 2010

ENTER the Storm!, a timelapse short., originally uploaded by n+s.

It was a boring day. I spent my day listening to sad songs. I am in a state of depression right now. My days are filled with loneliness and despair. I sleep more often than I usually do. I sleep because I want to forget and not think of how pathetic the situation that I'm currently in. But every time I sleeps, I dream. Those dreams are vivid and surreal. I can't differentiate dreams and reality nowadays. Every time I wake up I feel this pain in my chest. My heart aches and I can feel the pain jabbing it like needles. I don't cry on the outside anymore. Sometimes I do cry. I cry only when my heart could no longer bear the pain. After each tearful moment, I feel empty. Emotionless. I am an emotional trainwreck. But what can I do? Life is not always on your side. Everyone that I love are starting to leave me. Fading to nothingness. Like the sun rays hidden by dark clouds of rain, I can only wish for sunny days. But at the moment I sense that there's a storm brewing and it would definitely turns out badly.

Last Year

I miss this. After school fun. Shopping for choir outfit.

Dreamer

I am a dreamer
I weave imagination and reality with my words
I speak in riddles and answers in questions
I see visions in broken glass cups
See the truth in other's eyes.

I am a mirror
I show people the truth and also the reality
Show them their emotions and fears
Make them see what their eyes couldn't
But I could not do the same for myself
As I am incapable of seeing and believing.

I am blind and rigid
Never will see the beauty of reality
Trapped in the delirious world of fantasy
Fill with lies and deception
The price I pay to live in imagination.

-AimanAsraf©

2010

It's been awhile since i blogged. This is my first post for this year.I deleted all of my old post because I want to start the year with a blank page.Literally. I had a photoshoot this year. Here's some of the photos I want to share with you. Hope you like it.