Sunday, May 16, 2010

Nobody Cares

Its been ages since i last blogged. there's reasons to it. i lost my blogger password and i literally lost of words. there was this phase where i cant convert my feelings and my state of mind into words. my life had changed a lot in few months. im usually alone nowadays. u can find me mostly at home. i can even count the number of friends (not cyber friends FB etc) that i have with my fingers. its not like i pushed people away from me but its the other way round. i always found myself at the bottom of everyone's priorities. HEY! what i can i expect? im a nobody and unlike everyone else, i am far from perfect. haha. :)

sometimes i wonder why i keep contact with those who dont appreciate me. i always try to keep hanging on a thin thread. i just want to be treated equally. i want to be treated the way i treat those who i care. but they always disappoint me. what made me sad recently was an incident when my friend firmly rejected when asked to take photo with me via my mobile phone. i asked few times. but the answer came out the same. a firm NO. which was totally weird as the person casually take photographs with others.

it made me wonder. am i that fugly? am i that disgusting? or am i an embarassment? i think to that person, it is shameful if anyone see a photograph of us together. maybe the person is ashamed to be friends with me. the incident made me feel ashamed of myself. maybe i should just isolate myself because this is not the first time that people dislike to be related with me. the world is telling me loud and clear that i dont belong anywhere.  whatever it is i have to be content with loneliness, its not like i have any choice.

i feel sharp pains in my chest. as if needles jabbing through the muscles of my heart. my heart aches. i feel so worthless. how i wish if i could just whisk into the heavens above. or even disappear into nothingness. but hey who cares right?


Joanna R. said...

be strong aiman.

Aiman Asraf said...

thanks joanna.

itan said...

bro,lately aku pun rasa macam tu.tak dipeduli.adakala nak pekik betul2 dekat lubang telinga mereka : hey aku bukan halimunan! tak nampak ke? tapi aku simpan je suara ni.ada masa,atau lebih tepat lagi,sekarang, aku rasa lebih baik sendiri.